Nothing is worse than having a stupid job. But you when you’re unemployed, the jerks in your life who you depend on for money just don’t get that. So they make you look for a job. And that leads to job interviews which leads to an exciting career in something retarded.
So follows these simple instructions to guarantee that you will not be “working” any time soon:
The Handshake
When interviewer goes to shake your hand at the beginning of the interview smack it away, say, “I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me.” Then when he goes for the handshake again, smack it away.
Use Leverage
Say to owner of company, “I have compromising photos of you,” and when he asks where say, “In my mind.” Go for a high five.
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End your resume with, “And to my credit, I have never raped anyone, because the circumstances have never warranted it.”
Good luck, and we hope you don’t get it!
