Hey gals, got that special guy that’s just perfect for you in every way except for one small thing…he might not like you? Sometimes it’s hard to tell with guys, because they are so stupid (um, hello? Ask for directions much?)
So to help out our fellow ladies, the female staff members at Zombie Magazine are here to let you know if your special fella is “The One”, or just “The One Who’s Sleeping With You But Secretly Hates You.”
1. He Can’t Say The “L-Word”
If your man can’t say he loves you, then he’s just not ready to commit. Period.
If your man can’t say he loves you, then he’s just not ready to commit. Period.
2. He’s Really Nervous When He Proposes To You
If he loved you so much, why would he be so anxious? Dump him.
If he loved you so much, why would he be so anxious? Dump him.
3. He Laughs At Your Jokes.
Uh-huh, nice try buddy, but everyone knows that women aren’t funny and by pretending that he thinks you are he’s actually just lying to you, and liars will cheat on you!
Uh-huh, nice try buddy, but everyone knows that women aren’t funny and by pretending that he thinks you are he’s actually just lying to you, and liars will cheat on you!
4. He Encourages You To Get Checked Out By A Doctor
Yeah, right, he’s just hoping they find something terribly wrong with you that you’ll die from! Don’t give him the satisfaction! (Also make sure he knows that any lump you have is just getting bigger and bigger and there’s nothing he can do about it.)
Yeah, right, he’s just hoping they find something terribly wrong with you that you’ll die from! Don’t give him the satisfaction! (Also make sure he knows that any lump you have is just getting bigger and bigger and there’s nothing he can do about it.)
5. He Won’t Admit He’s Been Cheating On You
Everyone knows all guys cheat, and by not coming clean every week with the latest list of every chick and friend of yours he’s been banging he’s just not worth keeping around.
Everyone knows all guys cheat, and by not coming clean every week with the latest list of every chick and friend of yours he’s been banging he’s just not worth keeping around.
6. He’s A Cuddle Monster
He’d rather cuddle with you because you do nothing for him sexually and he is unable to achieve an erection in your presence.
He’d rather cuddle with you because you do nothing for him sexually and he is unable to achieve an erection in your presence.
7. He Makes You Dinner
This means he hates your cooking and, as a result, can’t see you being an adequate mother for your unborn children. Reconsider pregnancy.
This means he hates your cooking and, as a result, can’t see you being an adequate mother for your unborn children. Reconsider pregnancy.
8. He’s a Polish Plumber
These guys aren’t into anything.
These guys aren’t into anything.
