November 18, 2010
Detective Munch: Liv, Ashley called.
Detective Benson: Is everything alright?
Detective Munch: No, she saw the new N’Sync video and was sadly disappointed, as was I.
October 28, 2010
Detective Cassidy: Munch doesn’t eat veggies.
Detective Monique Jefferies: Really? I heard that’s not the only thing John doesn’t… eat.
October 19, 2010
M.E. Melinda Warner: [performing an autopsy] No fluids present. Tests show spermicide common in condoms.
Detective Stabler: This is fun.
October 8, 2010
Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson standing over the mangled corpse of a young woman thrown off an apartment building rooftop.
Detective Olivia Benson: “Sometimes I wish I could just fly away from all this.”
Detective Elliot Stabler looks at the body, pauses, and then looks at the rooftop of the apartment building: “So did she.”
October 5, 2010:
Detective Oliva Benson: ”Why don’t you go home. See your son.”
Detective Elliot Stabler: ”Because I don’t want him to look into my eyes and see what I’ve seen.”
*While this scene was taking place, both detectives were drinking Mountain Dew.*
October 4, 2010:
Detective Benson: “The killer cut her tongue out. It seems like a message.”
Ice-T, standing over the dead body of a rape victim: ”Yo man, that ain’t right.”
Richard Belzer: ”I’ll tell you what’s not right, this bagel I got from Manelli’s.” Belzer throws the bagel he was eating on the ground.
Babs Duffy: Alright, but how hard can it be? I mean look, I don’t expect Assy McBigpants to catch anybody, but Benson, you seem pretty on the ball.
Detective Munch: Plates soaking in the sink. She probably made him dinner.
August 23, 2010
August 20, 2010
August 19, 2010
Detective Benson: You okay?
Ray Gunther: (moaning) No …
Detective Benson: Good!
August 17, 2010
August 4, 2010
Detective Stabler: You prayed with your rapist!
July 30, 2010
Captain Cragen: I know one man’s pain is another man’s pleasure, but she wasn’t spanked to death.
July 29, 2010
Detective Tutuola: You had sex with your pants on?
July 28, 2010
Dr. Melinda Warner: Victim’s head, right arm and left leg were found in a car.
Detective Stabler: Well dismemberment’s not a sex crime.
Dr. Melinda Warner: This one might be. Found traces of semen in her throat.
Detective Fin Tutuola: Didn’t even let her gargle.
July 27, 2010
Randolph Morrow: Honey, I’d like a mineral water, no ice.
Detective Benson: And I’d like your balls in a blender, but ain’t life a bitch.
July 26, 2010
Captain Cragen: “…since when is oral sex not sex?”
July 16, 2010
Perp: I was just trying to help her up.
Detective Benson: With your penis?
July 13, 2010
Captain Cragen: Drugs, I get. But ponies?
July 6, 2010
Detective Benson: Okay. So where does he hide his dirty pictures?
July 2, 2010
Detective Cassidy: We found her dead, trussed up like a latex turkey.
June 30, 2010
(While coaching his daughter on protecting the soccer net.)
Detective Stabler: C’mon, kick it back!
Kathleen Stabler: Dad! I’m a virgin, okay? (she kicks the ball which rolls past him)
Detective Stabler: (faintly) Okay.
June 28, 2010
next you’re sweet talking St. Peter.
June 25, 2010
Detective Stabler: Morales found something on Laura’s computer.
Detective Benson: Anything juicy?
Detective Stabler: About 10 gigs worth of women’s butts.
June 24, 2010
Detective Munch: Hey, I respect hookers, at least they earn their money upfront, unlike ex-wives who get you with that lucrative back end deal.
June 23, 2010
Detective Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just a gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
Detective Stabler: [putting his right arm around Cassidy and turning his left arm so one tattoo shows] You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
June 22, 2010
Detective Munch: Ah but we digress, back to the dead whore.
June 18, 2010
Captain Cragen: In the jungle they always taught us, “Don’t hold your nose. Hold your stones.”
June 17, 2010
Detective Benson: This place is secluded enough for a rape.
June 16, 2010
Detective Benson: Was there anything about his penis that was unusual?
June 15, 2010
Detective Benson: Question — who’d want to cut your penis off?
June 14, 2010
Detective Benson: So, all we know is something black and rusty killed her.
June 10, 2010
Olivia Benson: Can you imagine what Maureen would do if you told her she couldn’t wear jeans?
Elliot Stabler: That’s a place I don’t want to go.
June 8, 2010
Detective Stabler: So we can’t touch him?
June 7, 2010
Witness: Can I have a hug?
Judge Petrovsky: No. (quietly) Maybe later.
June 3, 2010
Earl Romaine: I can’t help it, I got a condition… Y’know, kinda like that kid I raped.
June 2, 2010
June 1, 2010
May 27, 2010
May 26, 2010
Detective Munch: There you are, you demonic little furball.
May 25, 2010
May 24, 2010
Olivia Benson: Why get her drunk, slip her a roofie, and not rape her?
May 21, 2010
INT. SVU HEADQUARTERS – WEIGHT ROOM
Pumping iron is very strenuous on Stabler’s body. He grunts
every time he pushes the bar of weights up. Determination
gleams on his face. A door closes. Benson peers in from
behind the lockers.
May 20, 2010
May 19, 2010
BENSON: Where were you Monday night?
MAX LONG: Filming ‘Wendy Does the White House.’
May 18, 2010
UNIFORM OFFICER: A bunch of scouts stargazing from the roof up there spotted her.
BENSON: They’re looking down to see stars?
UNIFORM OFFICER: More like peeping at other heavenly bodies.
STABLER: Never got that merit badge.
May 17, 2010
Jeremy Ostilow: He’s a boy. Boys break their sister’s dolls.
Capt. Donald Cragen: He mutilated twenty-three of them, all in the genital area.
May 14, 2010
Benson: Did he use a condom?
Harper Anderson: He, um — he ejaculated on my stomach, and then he wiped it off with one of my shirts.
May 13, 2010
Pharmacist: I’m pressing charges!
Stabler: Don’t press your luck.
May 12, 2010
Amateur Pornographer: Sex is dangerous. At its heart it’s a power struggle between a man and a woman.
Stabler: Not if you do it right.
May 11, 2010
Elliot Stabler: From outer space to our morgue. It’s about as hard a landing as you can get.”
May 10, 2010
Det. Olivia Benson: And did he take you someplace to lie down?
April Hodges: A place just for special kids.
Det. Olivia Benson: Did Billy have a name for it?
(April nods her head.)
April Hodges: The Treasure Room.
May 7, 2010
May 6, 2010
MELINDA GRANVILLE: Daniel would never hurt anyone.
BENSON: “Stand By Your Man” sounds much better when Tammy Wynette sings it.
May 5, 2010
May 4, 2010
POLICE OPERATOR: Sweet mother of God. It’s the carjack rapist.
May 3, 2010
A.D.A. Casey Novak: Judge Taft let his bias run that courtroom. He pulled the same crap he always pulls. Only this time he stole a woman’s life.
(Clark looks at the new information)
Judge Mary Conway Clark: That son of a bitch.
April 30, 2010
Det. Elliot Stabler:You want to hear the details?
Jeremy Ostilow: I really don’t think this is appropriate.
Det. Elliot Stabler: About how they beat her up and they degraded her? And when she begged for mercy, they defecated on her?
April 29, 2010
Judge Mary Conway Clark: Well, I’ll say this for you, you’ve got balls.
April 28, 2010
ADA Alexandra Cabot: Take it now or it’s gone. And for future reference, if your client intimidates the informant in any way, I will have his bail revoked and his ass thrown in Rikers for the duration of the trial.
Rafael Zapata: You can’t threaten me, bitch.
ADA Alexandra Cabot: I just did.
April 27, 2010
Detectives Benson and Stabler see a crowd outside an interrogation room and hear a voice from off screen say, “They caught the softball rapist.”
Detective Stabler cracks his knuckles and is about to storm into the room when Detective Benson grabs him firmly by the shoulder.
Detective Benson: “I think it’s time for a pinch hitter.”
April 26, 2010
Det. John Munch: Hardly the life of the party, huh?
Neighbor #1: She was a sad girl. But my birds just loved her, so she must have been a good person.
April 23, 2010
Detectives Stabler and Benson sit across from the victim.
Victim: He held the knife to my throat as he poured the gasoline. I wanted to stop him, to save my little girl, but then he would have slit my throat. Sometimes, I can still feel it. The knife. On my skin.
Detective Stabler slams his hand on the table.
Detective Stabler: These people, I swear!
April 22, 2010
Dr. Archibald Newlands: I’m not a pedophile.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Yeah, you are. Just a well-read one. DNA convictions start hitting the news, you start covering your tracks.
Det. Olivia Benson: And your Johnson.
April 21, 2010
April 20, 2010
Randolph Morrow: She’ll never testify against me.
Stabler: She will. We control her now.
Randolph Morrow: She doesn’t even blink without my permission.
Stabler (leans down to get in Morrow’s face): She blinked.
Munch Let’s put it this way, the guy will never be accused of a crime involving penile penetration. Wanna know why?
Benson Yeah, why?
Munch Acid on the scrotum.
Anya Rugova: Years ago, in Yugoslavia.
Benson: How did you know him?
Anya Rugova: He murdered my husband and my four-year-old grandson with a hatchet.
April 6, 2010
Detective Munch : “I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.”
Melinda Warner (the medical examiner) comes bounding in from off camera : “And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.”
March 17. 2010
Detective Olivia Benson: “You scared that woman half to death!”
Detective Elliot Stabler: “It’s a good thing you told me that.”
Detective Olivia Benson: “Why?!”
* Detective Stabler looks out the window for a moment, then turns to Det. Benson and cracks his knuckles *
Detective Elliot Stabler: “Because I don’t like to leave a job half done.”
December 15, 2009:
Detective Olivia Benson: “You sacrificed that little girl to make your case, you bitch!”
Alexendra “Alex” Cabot: “Sometimes when you’re the coach of the team you have to make decisions you don’t like.”
Detective Elliot Stabler: “Well coach, get ready for some unnecessary roughness.”
*Two cops hold Detective Stabler back*
December 9, 2009:
Detective Olivia Benson throws up into a trashcan, after a sheet is pulled back on a particularly grisly murder victim. She looks up apologetically at Stabler, who says, “It’s alright. It’s times like this I wish I still had the urge to vomit.”
December 8, 2009:
Detective Olivia Benson: “You can’t murder someone just because you’ve had a bad day!”
Teenage kid being interrogated, looking up at Detective Olivia Benson: “What about a bad entire life?”
Detective Benson bites her lip and looks out the window.
December 5, 2009:
Coroner, pulling back the sheet on a body: “He burned her with a cigarette 18 times before strangling her.” Detective Elliot Stabler: “It must have been one hell of a party.”
December 4, 2009:
The Killer/Rapist: “I have rights!”
Detective Elliot Stabler, closing the door to the interrogation room: “We’ll just see about that.”
December 3, 2009:
Killer: “I can’t help what I am.” Detective Elliot Stabler: “And I can’t help what you’re about to be: behind bars.”
