The 8 Most Overrated Places In Los Angeles

Published on October 21st, 2010

1. Pink’s Hot Dog
Driving up Highland you will notice a ridiculously long line circling this place starting at about 10am up until 2am. Curious about how a hot dog can gather such a rabid fan base, I stopped in to see if the hype was worth it. I honestly can’t tell, because after waiting in line for over an hour, I was so pissed off I just ordered a hamburger. But let me tell you, I saw other people eating the hot dogs, and they didn’t look that great!

2. Chateu Marmont
I recently checked out one of their $5,000 a night bungalows because I heard that’s where my favorite celebrity, John Belushi died. Guess what? A total gyp. I was expecting to see his long-decayed crumpled up remains on the floor next to my bed, but no. The stupid maids must have picked them up before I got there.

3. Hollywood
They say this is a great place to be discovered, but guess what? No one knows who the fuck I am, and I’ve been standing in front of that goddamned Mann’s Chinese Theatre dressed up like Shrek for three months now and still no starring role in a film! (just a stupid 3-episode arc on “Breaking Bad” and a few pilots)

4. Beverly Hills
They say you see the rich & famous here, which is true, but they don’t mention that they were famous 70 years ago. Oh, whoop dee do, I just saw Dorothy Maguire, Oscar-nominated for Best Actress In A Leading Role for her performance in the 1947 film, Gentleman’s Agreement, co-starring a young Gregory Peck as Philip Schuyler Green. That’s fascinating, 63 years ago you were nominated for an Oscar and 63 minutes ago a nurse fed you pureed peas for lunch.

5. The Magic Castle
Check out these rules to get into this place: you have to know a member to get in, have to wear a suit, and, most importantly, you have to be a giant dork. I don’t know a single member here, but somehow I’ve been like 50 times, and each experience is more embarrassing than the last. The only thing harder to figure out these magicians’ card tricks is how they pay their rent.

6. Griffith Park Observatory
I waited years for the renovations to be completed on the famous observatory. When it was finally re-opened to the public I rushed over there James Dean style and if I’d known how boring this place was I’d have crashed head on into another car on my way over. 3 words on the list of activities at this iconic landmark sum the place up perfectly: Beatles. Laser. Show.

7. Skid Row
Like most people I’m fascinated by ’80s hair metal bands, so when I heard about “skid row” I was thrilled to finally get the chance to meet one of my musical heroes, Sebastian Bach. Unfortunately, when I arrived at this charming section of downton I was alarmed to find myself in a shanty town made of cardboard and inhabitated by violent drug-addled hobos. After witnessing all sorts of sexual acts performed for drugs and a man shooting heroin into his penis, I walked away wishing these people had heard “18 and Life” before they ended up here.

8. The Valley
Known for decades as the crappy and oppressively hot suburban strip mall alternative to the rest of Los Angeles. The Valley made a run at being interesting when it became the porn capital of the world. I hit the streets of Burbank, Van Nuys, Woodland Hills, Studio City, North Hollywood and Sherman Oaks in search of hot porn action. I never even got a whiff of sex on camera anywhere. Now on top of being ugly the Valley doesn’t put out either.

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