1. Mountain Dew: Code Left-Overs: This is a foamy, thick beverage that consists of what is left in the Mountain Dew vats after all the Mountain Dew has been bottled. Immigrants come in at 4 in the morning and scrape the Mountain Dew residue into non-biodegradable tins and then deliver them to 99 cent stores across the country, which is the impoverished person’s Whole Foods.

2. The thing on the end of a shrimp that rich people don’t eat: Exo-skeletons are frowned upon by upper class palates, but aside from the coughing that is inevitable when trying to swallow it, and the complete lack of nutritional content, it’s better than not having anything in your stomach.

3. Milk with dirt in it: The dirt gives the milk the consistency of food!

4. Loved ones who have passed on: It’s not like they’ll need their bodies in hell!

5. Off-brand cereal: Yeah, “Magic Stars” may not taste like “Lucky Charms,” and yeah a lot of the vitamins listed on the nutritional information on “Magic Stars” haven’t technically been approved by the FDA, but did you know that, since “Magic Stars” are actually a front company for a Los Angeles street gang, every 5th box of “Magic Stars” is full of useful stolen goods?