By George Kiergaard and Paul Staller

25% chance he was cheating on you

23% chance he was masturbating

18% chance he hates you

15% chance he was doing drugs

10% chance masturbating AND doing drugs... because he hates you

1% chance he was in a meeting

1% chance he was talking to his mother

1% chance he was vacuuming and didn't hear the phone

1% chance he was doing the dishes and didn't hear the phone ring

1% chance he was in the bathroom... without a cell phone... on second thought, it's more like 1/2%

100% chance he is deaf and didn't hear the phone ring*

*this only applies to women with deaf husbands or boyfriends