The Drunken Philanthropist

Published on May 25th, 2010

by Craig Carilli

I’m just like you, average in every way.  I get up in the morning, go to work, come home, eat some dinner and watch hospital dramas and re-runs of Two and Half Men.  On the weekends it’s time to run errands and try to get a little rest.  There isn’t much time left over each week to give back to the community and let’s face it, in this economy, there’s not much money to give either. I know, like most of us, that in the dark recesses of our brains lie the desires to help our fellow humans and all we need to do is tap into it.  This is why I drink.  When the sun goes down and the night kicks into high gear this average Joe starts to give back to his community.

In the sober light of day i wouldn’t shit on a burning homeless person to help them put it out.  After seven shots of Absinthe, nine beers and half a hit of Ecstasy I’m ready and willing to help that same burning homeless person put out that fire by throwing money at them.  A few dollars here and there that means nothing to me might mean the world to one of these horrible smelling dregs of society.
“What’s that kind sir, you once sat in with The Grateful Dead at a concert? That’s awesome, here’s $5.”
“You once talked to Jesus? $10 for you kind sir.”
“You’re invisible and only I can see you because the C.I.A planted a chip in both our heads. Well, here’s $20 to help you get that thing removed.”

Whether it’s crazy homeless people, street artists and musicians or the multitude of strippers who tell me I remind them of their father, I do my best to give back. It’s my weekly drug and alcohol binges that enable me to become a friend of the arts or help these girls pursue their dream because like so many of us they just want to dance.  Giving back isn’t always easy and wonderful.  Sometimes it’s hard to explain to your spouse why you smell like stripper perfume and have glitter on top of a black eye, but no one said being a decent human being was going to be easy.

With the right mindset, a love of spirits and a lack of any sort of impulse control you too can become a philanthropist and start to give back to your community.

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