By Daniel Dominguez

The following is an excerpt from the original draft of Lincoln’s autobiography, which was quickly rejected.

… Me no am much good for writing but me am be to try me best. So here me go. Me first thing me memberz wuz me growed up with me mom and this man and me luv them so much why don’t me marry them? Ha ha!

That wuz a joke, me am have a good time writing this me keep writing!

Me I like a lot of things. Me like butterfly but me crush butterfly when me get too mad. Me like to play in park but me get mad so me throw rock at woman they no arrest me cuz they say me am simple, but me no am simple me am Abe Lincoln.  Me speak much better than me write so me mostly wing it with talking and it come out good. When me wing it talking people like, make me President. But I no like be President cuz sit all time, make butt hurt. I miss have no hurt in butt so me hire John Wilkes Booth to shoot me butt off… I sure hope he no miss and hit me in brain!