January 5,
Man it was fun today. Bobby saw some foreign nationals crossing the river and he all like, “We totally got to get those guys and we TOTALLY did!” We had Bobby’s super cool pickup truck and after we tethered the foreign nationals to each other we took turns cat calling them and then Mike (who is wicked good at like, being a friend) drove them over to the Quenton Valley Penitentiary to be de-loused, fingerprinted, and taken back to Mexico. Meanwhile Bobby and I shared a tent and we stayed up all night talking about the stars or who we thought was cute and Bobby said I should do my hair in pigtails because it makes me seem “present and totally aware of my own body” so I’m totally going to. Bobby might be my BFF Forver. We’ll see diary!
January 8,
Being a Minuteman is the best times a million! It’s super keen like a honey bean, I meant it and I mean it! Bobby and Mike and Rick and me (Rick is way boring, OMG!!!! : ( : ( but is the best at barking commands at a family of immigrants in such a way that even the children are made to fear him!) caught two men washed ashore on the United States side of the river. They were passed out from exhaustion because they had got caught in the current and Mike was all like, they’re not even awake let’s just throw them back in the river! But that’s not the funny part! Cuz Bobby was all, first let’s draw cat whiskers on their faces! LOL to the cat! Now if they make it alive back across the river everybodies gonna be all like, “What are you guys cats!” and they’ll probably get a kick out of it too, cuz it’s totally fun to be made the fool sometimes. Bobby said that and other wise words and that’s one of the things thats so great about Bobby. I did my hair in pigtails and Bobby totally noticed but he played it cool but whatever I like that about him.
January 15th,
Boooooring. No one crossed the border today so we took turns firing our rifles at a coyote that came up to the camp. Bobby eventually hit the coyote (Of course, you’re probably saying, Bobby is a total crackshot!) And I thought it was uber sad that the coyote was coughing up bubbles of blood but Bobby said it would be OK so it was. I hope someone sneaks across the border at night because at night we can say we thought they had a gun even if they had just like a flashlight so we can take liberties. I made Bobby homemade Oreos and he kind of liked them but he seemed elsewhere and that’s cool we all get like that. Rick really liked them but who cares Rick is a total bore and he has the most ewww nasty aftershave and its so strong gawd.
January 23rd,
DIARY NO! I asked Bobby to have a sleepover tonight cuz I got the cutest knew socks I wanted to show him (Snowflakes, glitter snowflakes are you F’ing kidding me! Amazing.) but he was already in Rick’s tent! What! Does he want to die of aftershave overkill! Does Bobby have no taste at all. Rick’s socks have holes in them and he has one pair of cute socks but their cats and cats are whatever and the socks have holes in them where the cats mouths are so it looks like the cats are yawning and sleepy cats are a waste on a sock. Its not a big deal I don’t even like Bobby anymore when he detains immigrants he doesn’t even use excessive force he’s bland like vanilla and I’m a superstar so screw him. I’m quitting this dumb operation. I’m gonna join the tea party movement like Mike was talking about doing. Mike is supercool and he told me my pig tails made me look try hard so I’m gonna so wear my hair long me and Mike both think R.E.M. are great and take real chances so I’m sure we’re bound to be BFF Forevers not like Bobby who couldn’t figure out R.E.M. if he had it explained to him by a giant super intense brain.
-Daniel Dominguez
