by Daniel Dominguez
Welcome, friends, to another mildly pleasant day in the life of Tommy Babbit who lived back in The Good Ol’ Days.
Tommy Babbit arched his back and smiled up at the sun. It was gonna be another one a them good ol’ days. The weather on the porch was fine, and the children in the neighborhood exclaimed joyfully and ran through the sprinklers, sounding almost as pleasant as the weather felt nice. As with every morning, a blue bird landed on the edge of Tommy’s finger, a squirrel ran up Tommy’s leg onto his shoulder, and the three of them together all sang “The Star Spangled Banner”. Then Tommy walked over to the meat and beer tree and picked a juicy Sirloin Steak and Budweiser to have for dinner tonight.
Billy, Mr. Delson’s kid, ran up to Tommy as he settled back onto his porch. Tommy reached into his icebox and pulled out a Coca-Cola. He had put the Coca-Cola in the icebox over six and half hours ago, so the Coca-Cola was almost moderately cool.
Billy, huffing and puffing from all the fun he was having, invited Tommy Babbit to play Hoopskotch with the children, Hoopskotch was a game children played where one child ran over a cat with a bicycle again and again, and everybody laughed. But Tommy was in a sittin’ mood and he told Billy so.
“Today’s a sittin’ day young Billy, now you run along and play with the other boys Billy,” Tommy said, “and do you remember what you do if a girl wants to play?”
“Shame her by making her sit in a patch of dirt with her skirt hiked up so everyone can see what she’s missing down there?”
Tommy ruffled Billy’s hair, “Run along, you scamp!” Billy smiled and ran off to join the other male children at play. The children found a cat and a bike and got to Hoopskotchin’, which was a game they enjoyed almost as much as they enjoyed rationing for the war effort.
Tommy’s wife walked out onto the porch, arching her back. Tommy’s wife had no name any longer, as it was the custom at the time for a woman to lose any title by which someone could identify as an individual unto herself.
“How’s the wife doing?” Tommy said, while raising his open hand to her.
“However Mr. Babbit is doing, that’s how Mrs. Babbit is doing,” Tommy lowered his hand and smiled. “You may be seated.” Tommy turned on the radio, the president was about to begin another one of his famous fireside chats.
Through the crackling, comforting static the President came on, “Good morning my fellow Americans. As usual We’re number one. So, keep it up. That is all for now.”
Tommy nodded and turned off the radio. He looked up at his wife. The curve of her stomach reminded him that she would any day now bear him another child, which meant that he would very soon now be having to get her pregnant again. He was glad that his wife only bore him boy children, as women who could give birth to women were witches. And frankly it was at least a three and a half hour drive to the nearest drownin’ pond.
“How is our son?”
“I put a little whiskey in his milk, per Dr. Peterson’s request,” Dr. Peterson had advised Mrs. Babbit to include whiskey in the baby’s milk as it was the only surefire way to both make sure the baby got a good night’s sleep, and keep the baby from growing into a homosexual. No one wanted a homosexual child back then, as it was widely understood that they were in a very nebulous and unspecific way different than us.
Everyone loved Dr. Peterson, because his office was air conditioned, he loved to crack-wise, and he only treated Caucasians.
Tommy, sitting with his wife, sipped his Coca-Cola, took a bite of his Sirloin, and kicked up his heels. “Ahhhhhhh.” Said Tommy Babbit, “That’s the stuff.”
THE END
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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
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