Time/Life Sounds of 2006

Published on January 20th, 2010

by Penn Collins

Cast of characters:

35 year old man

35 year old woman

Fade into a couple scrolling through the radio dial on a Sunday morning.  Man is dressed in a kimono drinking coffee, reading Le Monde.  Woman is drinking a GIGANTIC glass of milk.

Man (exasperated because he can’t find anything worthwhile on the radio):  Any suggestions for music?  I’m really at a loss here…

Woman: Don’t look at me!  I don’t know what to make of pop music today.  Are we just getting older or is music not as good as it used to be?

Man (smiling): Probably both! (laughing).  Seriously.  What happened to the artists we used to listen to?  Let me just search through my music collection to find something we both agree on.

Woman: Why search through hundreds of cds to find the songs we used to like when we could just listen to this – Time/Life’s Sounds of 2006?

Man:  OR….I could take my burned cd collection on iTunes and sort by year and make a playlist!!!

Woman: What?  Shut up and put in the cds.

Man (smiling): OK!

{Cd starts playing Brook Hogan’s “Show Me Your Grill”}

Man: OMG! Is this Brook Hogan?  I haven’t heard this in years!

Woman: It sure is!  It seems like everyone these days is TRYING to be Brook Hogan, but a copy just never seems to be as sharp as the original.  Speaking of “grills”, who could forget Paul Wall’s “chopped and screwed’ style of hip-hop production?

Man: They say that the “chopped and screwed” music is supposed to sound really great when you’re fucked up on purple drank!

Woman: I’ll say!

Man: The nice thing about 2006 is there was also plenty of great music to listen to when you weren’t fucked up on narcotic cough syrup too!  There were times when I would just drive around listening to Panic at the Disco’s “I Write Sins, Not Tragedies” completely sober!

Woman:  Oh yeah!!! Their song titles were always a mouthful, but those types of things were bound to happen when we didn’t have a black president!

Man: Haha.  The world sure was a lot less crazy back then!

Woman: I don’t know!  Remember Hinder’s “Lips of an Angel”?  They definitely embraced the spirit of Rock n’ Roll, if you know what I mean!

Man: You mean wanton drug use and treating women like things?

Woman:  That’s EXACTLY what I mean.

Man: That’s true.  Those guys made rock bands today look like a bunch of pussies.

Woman:  Rock bands today ARE a bunch of pussies compared to Hinder.  Real bitches.

Man: But the boys weren’t the only ones shaking their stuff.  One of the biggest club anthems of the year was “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean….

Woman: You couldn’t escape that song when you were out!  That song was also important because it helped keep Wyclef’s streak alive of getting famous for songs he didn’t write.

Man: What an asshole.

Woman: Seriously.

Man: Don’t forget the official makeout anthem of 2006, “Lullaby” by Shawn Mullins.

Woman: What? That song came out in 1999.

Man: No way!

Woman: (laughing) I promise!

Man: (getting frustrated) You’re lying again.

Woman: Don’t take my word for it!  Let’s ask Jeeves.

(showing them sitting at a computer)

Man: You have to admit that it was still being played a lot in 2006.

Woman:  That may be, but it’s really not germane to our discussion here.

Man: How so?

Woman:  All the songs we were talking about were released in 2006 for the first time.

Man: They were?

Woman: What exactly did you think all these songs had in common?

Man: I didn’t know these songs had anything in common.

Woman: You sure acted like there was a common thread.

Man:  I didn’t mean to.

Woman: If that’s the case, I feel like I’ve wasted every breath I’ve spent on this conversation.

Man:  What conversation?

Woman: Jesus Christ.  I’m gonna stay at my sister’s.

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