by Penn Collins
Cast of characters:
35 year old man
35 year old woman
Fade into a couple scrolling through the radio dial on a Sunday morning. Man is dressed in a kimono drinking coffee, reading Le Monde. Woman is drinking a GIGANTIC glass of milk.
Man (exasperated because he can’t find anything worthwhile on the radio): Any suggestions for music? I’m really at a loss here…
Woman: Don’t look at me! I don’t know what to make of pop music today. Are we just getting older or is music not as good as it used to be?
Man (smiling): Probably both! (laughing). Seriously. What happened to the artists we used to listen to? Let me just search through my music collection to find something we both agree on.
Woman: Why search through hundreds of cds to find the songs we used to like when we could just listen to this – Time/Life’s Sounds of 2006?
Man: OR….I could take my burned cd collection on iTunes and sort by year and make a playlist!!!
Woman: What? Shut up and put in the cds.
Man (smiling): OK!
{Cd starts playing Brook Hogan’s “Show Me Your Grill”}
Man: OMG! Is this Brook Hogan? I haven’t heard this in years!
Woman: It sure is! It seems like everyone these days is TRYING to be Brook Hogan, but a copy just never seems to be as sharp as the original. Speaking of “grills”, who could forget Paul Wall’s “chopped and screwed’ style of hip-hop production?
Man: They say that the “chopped and screwed” music is supposed to sound really great when you’re fucked up on purple drank!
Woman: I’ll say!
Man: The nice thing about 2006 is there was also plenty of great music to listen to when you weren’t fucked up on narcotic cough syrup too! There were times when I would just drive around listening to Panic at the Disco’s “I Write Sins, Not Tragedies” completely sober!
Woman: Oh yeah!!! Their song titles were always a mouthful, but those types of things were bound to happen when we didn’t have a black president!
Man: Haha. The world sure was a lot less crazy back then!
Woman: I don’t know! Remember Hinder’s “Lips of an Angel”? They definitely embraced the spirit of Rock n’ Roll, if you know what I mean!
Man: You mean wanton drug use and treating women like things?
Woman: That’s EXACTLY what I mean.
Man: That’s true. Those guys made rock bands today look like a bunch of pussies.
Woman: Rock bands today ARE a bunch of pussies compared to Hinder. Real bitches.
Man: But the boys weren’t the only ones shaking their stuff. One of the biggest club anthems of the year was “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean….
Woman: You couldn’t escape that song when you were out! That song was also important because it helped keep Wyclef’s streak alive of getting famous for songs he didn’t write.
Man: What an asshole.
Woman: Seriously.
Man: Don’t forget the official makeout anthem of 2006, “Lullaby” by Shawn Mullins.
Woman: What? That song came out in 1999.
Man: No way!
Woman: (laughing) I promise!
Man: (getting frustrated) You’re lying again.
Woman: Don’t take my word for it! Let’s ask Jeeves.
(showing them sitting at a computer)
Man: You have to admit that it was still being played a lot in 2006.
Woman: That may be, but it’s really not germane to our discussion here.
Man: How so?
Woman: All the songs we were talking about were released in 2006 for the first time.
Man: They were?
Woman: What exactly did you think all these songs had in common?
Man: I didn’t know these songs had anything in common.
Woman: You sure acted like there was a common thread.
Man: I didn’t mean to.
Woman: If that’s the case, I feel like I’ve wasted every breath I’ve spent on this conversation.
Man: What conversation?
Woman: Jesus Christ. I’m gonna stay at my sister’s.
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