by Lucky Albright

When Did Randy Moss Become a Homeless Guy?

Seriously, if I saw Randy Moss standing outside of a 7-11, I’d toss him a quarter. Then I would lock my car doors and drive away.

On a separate note, I had a great real-life homeless experience today. As me and the lady were walking back from dinner, a homeless guy sucking on a Tootsie Pop asked me for my takeout bag. I usually give homeless people food if they ask, and as I handed him the bag, he asks me, “Can I eat it? Cuz I got no teeths!” He then smiled wide to reveal, indeed, a row of bright pink gums with no enameled cousins to back them up. I told him that he would manage (it was a hamburger and fries…I think he can gum those, right? Maybe he has a blender or something.)”